That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just cut my nipple shaving
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize