I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
