Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
