Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
