The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
