WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
