I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
