He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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