did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
