nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
