This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
