I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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