Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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