I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
