there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
