I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
