I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
