I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
