ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
