my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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