She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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