ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
