swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
