Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't think brook has ever known best
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
