all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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