I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
