It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
