I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
