He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
