I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
