a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just googled if crying burns calories
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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