why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
