I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She's JV to your varsity
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
