it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
