Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
