ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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