So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
