She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
