i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
