Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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