I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
