is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
third nipple confirmed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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