If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I FOUND THE LEGS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
