Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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