But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
