so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
