Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
