It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize