yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
