I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
