dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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