please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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