hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
