Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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