Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
