I am puke
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
