Say something about gay babies.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
