college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize