Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
