if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
