her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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