you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
