i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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