last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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