She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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